Mortality Notification

This pandemic has done a lot of things to me. Staying most of my days in the past 3 years made me nearsighted.
The Covid-19 is not a big threat anymore so I go outside occasionally and I have noticed that I couldn't see
things far as I did before. It is blurred it is worse in the afternoon. I don't know if it is normal. It made
me realized something--I am fading away, and it makes me regret many things. Something I appreciate less before
I started to appreciate it a lot more. If a twenty-year old of me hear this thing coming from me would mock me and
would accuse me as gay and sissy. But it is another thing if something reminds your mortality.

I saw crows flying above me and I am intrigued in the way they sounds and they perched in a tree near I wanted to
see them clearly but it is a frustration because I couldn't they are blurred in my eyesight. I need to wear glasses
to see things from afar. Those trees and grass I want to see them clearly.

It just made me think I am slowly fading and dying. I never think in this way before, I never worried about my
mortality before.

I am lying to myself if I am thinking my life is fullfilled. I have this void in my soul
I am restrained because of the things I used to believed in. And I was thinking restraining yourself in t
he beauty and joy of life is part of descipline, nobody directly taught me to do that but the stupid of me,
just exagerated it. So I have missed a lot of things and missing it more.
As charonboat.com says,"Take time to appreciate life", unlike before it hits a nerve.