Anyways

06-19-2025
It has been 8 months since Tatay's passing, and yet it is still painful, I never had this kind of pain in my entire human existence
It still pains me whenever I went to his room. The familiar smell is still there those words -- reminders scribble on the walls, those notes the trace of his existence, I cannot clean them up I cannot throw away those things I formely recognized them as garbage but now I can see them
as treasure those words written all over the place. I realized now that I was
not ready, I was not ready for him to leave us. Everyday I think about him.
Maybe because guilts and regrets I feel. Everything is not the same. I never had this kindof strange and very unfamiliar feeling, everything is not the same

06-20-2025
I think I have read this somewhere...you will die, everyone you know will die
that's the uncomfortable truth of life.

Pain is unevitable it will always be there with you, it lives with you, it dies with you.

About that blogger thing I am worried I've totally lost access. I don't know
if I ever regain access and write again. I took it down around 2015, because
I felt so cringe because it is so cliche and rantful no resolution.

I think those are the greatest thoughts I have written, no bars,
unhinged, full of myself and most important of all--sincere. The authenticity is so real..

I started online blogging around 2005. I was fan of Bob Ong back then.
Bob Ong is my gateway to read other books other author. I read ,"All I wanted to know is what I learned in Kindergarten" by Robert Fulgrum.

It opens my eyes the important of reading and writting. In my school days I am not good in writting even a simple essay I struggled. I could not write anything because I could not be truthful.